Wedding Infatuated

When you’re planning a wedding it is not uncommon to feel a little extra tension between you and your fiance. Some feuds have even been enough to break couples up before the wedding ever happens. However, these little tiffs should certainly not get in the way of healthy couples.

Often times this extra stress simply comes from the fact that time becomes a little short when a wedding is on the horizon. Between arranging the guest list, shopping for decor and rushing off to bridal showers you have likely had less time together than normal. If this sounds like you the remedy is likely an easy one… spend time together. Grand romantic gestures may not be the best at this time. Try renting a movie and cuddling on the couch once a week. If the intimacy levels between you and your sweetie are slipping now you may be setting up a harmful start to your marriage. Even small touches on your fiances shoulders or back can send a loving message. The touch of a lover can have a soothing effect and these little things can make a big difference in the long run.

Perhaps your problems go much deeper. Maybe you question if this person is the one. Maybe you fight a little more frequently and loudly than you think is healthy. If this is the case you may consider taking a step back and really evaluating the cause of these fights or feelings. If, after contemplating, you determine it is simply stress then there is likely nothing much to worry about. If, on the other hand, you uncover some deeper unresolved issues you may need to discuss these problems with your fiance. Share your concerns and fears and you may just be surprised by how simple the solution.

The last suggestion I can offer, if you’re suffering from a few premarital relationship issues, is to read Dr. John Gottman. Dr. Gottman has written several books on relationships and his advice can really help couples get through those tough times.

Whatever your problem, whatever your solution, just try to remember that a wedding is only one day and this relationship should be forever. If the wedding is causing so much stress that it’s hurting the relationship it may be time to reassess your priorities.

When someone dies within a year or two of your wedding day, the impact can be felt. Weddings are already highly emotional occasions and it’s not uncommon to think about those who we’ve recently lost at this time. When someone very important to the couple dies, it can be a good sentiment to still include that special person in your special day.

One great way to do this is through the music. My grandfather’s favorite song was Ave Maria. Songs like this make for great processional music. You can note the song’s importance in your program. You can also include a little snippet about the person to help everyone understand how integral this person was in your lives. If your loved one’s taste in music was less than appropriate for the ceremony, carry it over to the reception. Make an announcement that you will be dancing with your father to your mother’s favorite song, or whatever the case may be. 

Another way to remember your loved one is through images. You can display a few pictures of the couple with the person you wish to remember surrounding your guest book or gift table. You can also incorporate photos of this person in a slide show if you choose to add that to your reception.

Whatever you choose to do to remember your friend or family member just realize that it will likely be very touching and emotional. There is a psychological effect as well, however. Honoring a person on your big day lets everyone know how important this person was and it can help you let go and move on. If there is someone who was once in your life that regrettably cannot attend your wedding, please don’t leave them out of your wedding.

For some reason weddings can really bring out the worst in people. I read again and again, “My mother in law to be is….”, “I’m not inviting my cousin to the wedding because she…” Disagreements and fights are common during this time but they are not necessary.

Most disagreements I see stem from two basic sources, the stressed out bride and the event of combining two unique families. While you cannot mediate all disagreements that occur between other family members, there are ways to reduce the fights that you yourself may fall victim to.

It’s natural and common to be highly stressed out when you’re planning your wedding. At any given time you have a thousand things running through your mind. You are likely to snap at friends and family for every misstep. You’ll find that most of your acquaintances will be understanding and helpful, however, occasionally you will find someone who would rather argue. You don’t want to remember your big day as a big fight with your sister do you? If at all possible, try to walk away and avoid this instigator until you are completely over the problem.

Another common reason people fight is guest list related problems. Sally, your best friend in college, is fuming that she did not get invited. What she does not realize is that she’s rather loud and embarrassing. If you don’t have the space or budget explain to any left out guests your situation. If you feel it is necessary, there are even cards you can send to uninvited friends to help explain that it is an intimate wedding with a immediate family only. In this situation people understand. If, however, you are concerned that certain people will embarrass you at your wedding, here’s my rule of thumb; if they’re family that your family would like to see at the event and you have the space, invite them. You don’t want a family falling out all over your special day. If they start to act up during your wedding just remember that those are the moments you look back on and laugh about. Friends and other family should be invited at your discretion.

The last type of argument you may get wrapped up in is an argument with a vendor. The florist provided petunias when you specified peonies, the cake is the wrong flavor, the dress still doesn’t fit right after three alterations. In this situation I suggest having a spokesperson. You are likely going to be very emotional when something goes wrong this means you are not likely the best person to handle this situation. Designate someone, Maids of Honor are great for this, who knows your every wish to deal with vendors. Have someone else negotiate discounts and refunds for poor service. Let anyone who’s willing help you to make things right again.

The last thing a bride-to-be needs is the added stress of fighting and bickering. If you remain aware of the potential sources of argument, there is a chance that you can avoid them.

While it may be hard to believe, most people are not natural born dancers. As a result, there is sometimes anxiety surrounding the dance aspects of a wedding reception. While you are often content swaying back and forth in a large crowd of dancing couples, this two step can seem a little less than romantic when all eyes are on you and you only. If you or yours falls into the category of “mediocre dancer”, I suggest you take the time and money to invest in lessons.     

There are several options here. The most common method is for people to attend private lessons with a local dance teacher. Whether you want to learn the tango or East Coast swing, there is likely a teacher in your area who can help you out. This is often an expensive route but the one on one attention can mold you into a few fairly good dancers after only a few sessions. I think this option is the best for couples who are low on time or easily embarrassed by the learning process.

Another option is to sign up for an adult dance class at a dance school. This option is often less expensive than the individual lessons and has the added benefit of meeting other couples as well as learning techniques to dance with different partners. It is common that many people want to dance with the bride and groom to give their congratulations. If you have only ever danced with your fiance’ this can sometimes be awkward. The only downside is the limited flexibility. You cannot often request to go over certain aspects you are simply not understanding and you cannot move more quickly than your class. This option works well for couples who don’t have as much to invest in lessons or those couples who enjoy the social opportunities.

Lastly, don’t forget to check out your local colleges. For four months worth of lessons you can often pay the equivalent of one month at a dance school with comparable results. If you elect to “audit” the course, you do not receive a grade for your work and you, therefore, don’t actually need to apply for admission. If you are already taking a full course load at a college, take advantage of this situation. You have to take a physical education credit anyway, so you might as well use that graduation requirement to help you look fantastic on your big day.

You’ll find that planning a wedding can eat up a lot of your time. It’s important to continue enhancing your relationship during this stressful time. Dance lessons act as a great couples activity and can help you to forget about the stresses in life for an hour or two a week. Take the lessons, you’ll be glad you did.

In case you were unaware, I have a little secret for you, most men do not care about 90% of the wedding planning process. There, it’s out, now you know.

When I was planning my big day I could go on and on about the color theme, the cake, the guest list, the budget; my fiance’ lasted about 10 minutes. While it can be terribly frustrating, it’s also very common. I would love to dish out some brilliant ideas to make your fiance seem more interested but that just won’t happen.

Here’s what you have to remember, just because your man could give a hoot as to whether you have a raspberry ganache or cream cheese filling between the layers of the cake, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t excited to marry you. Most guys are envisioning the big picture, that picture containing you and you only, in a beautiful gown, looking like the princess he knows you are.

 That being said, still try to incorporate your fiance’ in the planning process as much as possible. You may be surprised by some of the inspired suggestions he offers up in one of his fleeting moments of interest.