May 20 2008
Can’t We All Just Get Along?
For some reason weddings can really bring out the worst in people. I read again and again, “My mother in law to be is….”, “I’m not inviting my cousin to the wedding because she…” Disagreements and fights are common during this time but they are not necessary.
Most disagreements I see stem from two basic sources, the stressed out bride and the event of combining two unique families. While you cannot mediate all disagreements that occur between other family members, there are ways to reduce the fights that you yourself may fall victim to.
It’s natural and common to be highly stressed out when you’re planning your wedding. At any given time you have a thousand things running through your mind. You are likely to snap at friends and family for every misstep. You’ll find that most of your acquaintances will be understanding and helpful, however, occasionally you will find someone who would rather argue. You don’t want to remember your big day as a big fight with your sister do you? If at all possible, try to walk away and avoid this instigator until you are completely over the problem.
Another common reason people fight is guest list related problems. Sally, your best friend in college, is fuming that she did not get invited. What she does not realize is that she’s rather loud and embarrassing. If you don’t have the space or budget explain to any left out guests your situation. If you feel it is necessary, there are even cards you can send to uninvited friends to help explain that it is an intimate wedding with a immediate family only. In this situation people understand. If, however, you are concerned that certain people will embarrass you at your wedding, here’s my rule of thumb; if they’re family that your family would like to see at the event and you have the space, invite them. You don’t want a family falling out all over your special day. If they start to act up during your wedding just remember that those are the moments you look back on and laugh about. Friends and other family should be invited at your discretion.
The last type of argument you may get wrapped up in is an argument with a vendor. The florist provided petunias when you specified peonies, the cake is the wrong flavor, the dress still doesn’t fit right after three alterations. In this situation I suggest having a spokesperson. You are likely going to be very emotional when something goes wrong this means you are not likely the best person to handle this situation. Designate someone, Maids of Honor are great for this, who knows your every wish to deal with vendors. Have someone else negotiate discounts and refunds for poor service. Let anyone who’s willing help you to make things right again.
The last thing a bride-to-be needs is the added stress of fighting and bickering. If you remain aware of the potential sources of argument, there is a chance that you can avoid them.
